The boys are visiting us at home today, for the first time. I slept really badly last night, despite going to bed at a reasonable hour and being utterly exhausted. Just too much happening in my head.
We arrived back home last night, after 2 days in North Birmingham. We were doing bedtime on Wednesday and the morning routine yesterday with the boys, so it made sense to sleep over somewhere nearby.
We had a great time on Wednesday. A had a 'good bye' party at school in the morning and then we picked him up at lunchtime to go to an appointment. Everyone was partying hard when we arrived. His teacher got all his classmates to make him a goodbye card and she's taken some photos of the party.
The school have handled things brilliantly. Everyone seems to know what's happening. His whole class has seen his family book and DVD. The move has been celebrated by everyone as a positive thing and he has had chance to say goodbye properly. One of the staff spoke to us yesterday and said how much they appreciated all the preparation materials. She said they'd had a child who'd been adopted with a different authority and there had been none of those things. "It was horrible. There were people coming into the classroom and we weren't allowed to say anything and the child was getting more and more anxious. It's lovely to see it done properly."
We went to the park with them both in the afternoon. and had a great time. J fell over a couple of times. I have been looking out for attachment cycle opportunities this week. Big cuddles after falling over and being scared felt very important. J, who is generally really frenetic, came and sat on my lap for ages and we watched A having fun with Andy. He even conquered the big boys' climbing frame, with support and encouragement from his Dad.
Thursday we took A to school for his last day and then had a whole day scheduled with J, until it was time to pick him up from school. The foster carer was obviously looking forward to our day out together too! It was absolutely pouring with rain, by the time we'd dropped A off. What on earth do you do with a 2 year old, in a town you don't know, for 5 hours in the pouring rain? We asked the foster carer, who had no ideas at all but rang her son-in-law who suggested a soft play place. We arrived at the soft play place, to find it very shut. What now?
Andy spied a Sure Start centre. So we parked the car there and I went in to ask about places to go. They had some sessions in the afternoon, a couple of leaflets and the opening times of the soft play centre. It opened later in the morning. Got back to the car and it wouldn't start. At all. Despite encouragement. I had helpfully not got round to updating our breakdown cover.
What on earth do you do with a 2 year old in a town you don't know, in the pouring rain, with a broken down car? By that time, ironically, the soft play centre round the corner, was open. So I took J there whilst Andy found a garage to tow the car away. We spent the day at the soft play place and got a bus back to the foster carer's house in time to walk to A's school to pick him up.
Not knowing the buses that well, we allowed an hour and a half to get back to the foster carer's house, because we desperately didn't want to be late to pick up A. And we had no mobile phone. Mine ran out of charge and I'd left it in the car. Usually, I'd have remembered to take a charger with us, given we were away over night. But there's been rather a lot to think about this week!
It took 20 minutes to get to the carer's home. Leaving us with an unscheduled hour in the house back in the 'he's not one for toys' scenario. Whichever child we are with, the foster carer will explain that the other one would play with toys, but not this one. This time, we went and got the one toy that we knew where to find - a Fisher Price fire station and fire engine - and J played very happily, with a bit of interaction and encouragement, for an hour. Faced with this irrefutable evidence, the foster carer explained that 'J will play with toys, but A isn't interested unless...'
We have warmed to the foster carers a bit this week. Now we've all become accustomed to one another, she has warmed to us and we've seen her softer side. At the start of the week, she came across as being very cold. Now she's relaxed, we've seen her softer side. She does have genuine affection for the children she looks after. It's a home of rules and structure, rather than one of fun and nurture. And the fact she really doesn't like mess and muddle is the most likely reason for the intolerance of toys about the place. That, and the fact that the boys need a bit of encouraging to get going with play sometimes.
The routine, structure and boundaries have provided physical safety and security, which has made a big difference to A and J. Those are the things we will be keen to replicate. The things we plan to add are fun, stimulation and love and cuddles.
We got home last night with the help of a very kind friend, who came and fetched us. Our car is still at the garage. The boys are coming to visit us today, with one of the foster carers and a social services support worker. Just time to make sure the house is safe......
Showing posts with label introductions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label introductions. Show all posts
Thursday, 26 May 2011
Tuesday, 24 May 2011
school places and other sundry items....
This morning, we had a brief window before we needed to drive to the foster carer's home, so I went to the school at the end of the road to get application forms. We've had a couple of gos at trying to sort out school places before. But there has always been information we haven't had, which has made that difficult to do. And social services were not prepared to supply it until the match with A and J was ratified. I was also confident, having met A's teacher yesterday, that getting him into year one is the right thing to do. I had wondered if we should fight for him to do reception again, and start afresh in September. But on balance, I think going into year 1 will be fine.
I also wrote back to Social Services to confirm that "the proposed placement is acceptable" to us, as the letter we received this morning requested. I'm inclined to think it's a little late now, if it isn't...!
I also found out what we need to do get J referred for Speech and Language Therapy. His language is significantly behind for his age.
Meanwhile, Andy did the house work.
And at 1 o'clock, school places applied for, social services written to and kitchen tidied we set off for day 2 of introductions...
I also wrote back to Social Services to confirm that "the proposed placement is acceptable" to us, as the letter we received this morning requested. I'm inclined to think it's a little late now, if it isn't...!
I also found out what we need to do get J referred for Speech and Language Therapy. His language is significantly behind for his age.
Meanwhile, Andy did the house work.
And at 1 o'clock, school places applied for, social services written to and kitchen tidied we set off for day 2 of introductions...
Monday, 23 May 2011
Introductions
We're just back home after a loooonnnnnggggg day which contained only one cup of coffee.
We were at Social Services this morning, for something called a Life Appreciation meeting. Social Services invited all the people who've had input into James and Aaron's life to come and share what they know about the boys and any insights they had.
Loads of people came, including several from James' nursery and Aaron's current school teacher. There were people from the family centre and from Sure Start who were involved when concern was first expressed. Everyone was lovely and had obvious affection for the children. It was very sad to hear in detail about what their early lives were like. It was also deeply moving to be surrounded by so many warm, caring people who thought so much of the children. We have pictures aplenty and James' nursery have made him a lovely photo album of his time there.
After the meeting came the planning of what looks like a pretty exhausting schedule of introductions over the next 10 days.
Then we popped round to see the kids for an hour or so after school. Easier said than done. They live on one of those roads that is in about 3 parts so we had great trouble actually finding the house. Because the road goes round several corners, it was very easy to end up outside the right numbered house on the wrong road. We thought we'd found it at one point and disturbed a rather bemused looking elderly gentleman with a laryngectomy. Oops!
Apparently, our introductory books and DVD went down a storm. James, in particular, has been watching Pim and Bibble incessantly, along with the foster carer's granddaughter. When they received our family books along with the puppets, they recognised Bibble from the film. We are told they didn't let the puppets leave their sides and Aaron wouldn't put his family book down and was kissing the picture of his new bedroom. He has run the batteries down so the book is no longer a talking photo album.
We got on really well with the boys. About as well as we generally do with most children we meet. I was encouraged that they responded very normally to us both. Not overly effusive or very reticent. Just normal. J is loud, giggly and boisterous. He was soon doing rough and tumble play with Andy. A is quieter and more talkative.
They are both lovely.
All in all a good day.
We see them again tomorrow, after school.
We were at Social Services this morning, for something called a Life Appreciation meeting. Social Services invited all the people who've had input into James and Aaron's life to come and share what they know about the boys and any insights they had.
Loads of people came, including several from James' nursery and Aaron's current school teacher. There were people from the family centre and from Sure Start who were involved when concern was first expressed. Everyone was lovely and had obvious affection for the children. It was very sad to hear in detail about what their early lives were like. It was also deeply moving to be surrounded by so many warm, caring people who thought so much of the children. We have pictures aplenty and James' nursery have made him a lovely photo album of his time there.
After the meeting came the planning of what looks like a pretty exhausting schedule of introductions over the next 10 days.
Then we popped round to see the kids for an hour or so after school. Easier said than done. They live on one of those roads that is in about 3 parts so we had great trouble actually finding the house. Because the road goes round several corners, it was very easy to end up outside the right numbered house on the wrong road. We thought we'd found it at one point and disturbed a rather bemused looking elderly gentleman with a laryngectomy. Oops!
Apparently, our introductory books and DVD went down a storm. James, in particular, has been watching Pim and Bibble incessantly, along with the foster carer's granddaughter. When they received our family books along with the puppets, they recognised Bibble from the film. We are told they didn't let the puppets leave their sides and Aaron wouldn't put his family book down and was kissing the picture of his new bedroom. He has run the batteries down so the book is no longer a talking photo album.
We got on really well with the boys. About as well as we generally do with most children we meet. I was encouraged that they responded very normally to us both. Not overly effusive or very reticent. Just normal. J is loud, giggly and boisterous. He was soon doing rough and tumble play with Andy. A is quieter and more talkative.
They are both lovely.
All in all a good day.
We see them again tomorrow, after school.
Sunday, 22 May 2011
What's in a name?
I got an email from the boys' social worker on Friday, to say that the decision to match us with them has been ratified by the official decision maker.
We are now, four months after first hearing about them, officially cleared to begin introductions with our sons. We expect that to begin tomorrow.
The boys found out that we will be their parents, and saw the photo albums that we've made for them, on Friday evening.
I find it unbelievable that we only officially get the go ahead 3 days before we meet our kids! And there are cases where things don't go ahead, either at matching or at ratification. How is one supposed to prepare emotionally?
This was made somewhat easier for us by an interesting incident that occurred seven years ago. We opened our home up for prayer for a few weeks, back in June 2004. One day, Andy had been praying and came downstairs and said with great conviction, "God's just given me two names." They were boys names. We had friends at the time who wanted children and very specifically wanted twin boys. We thought maybe they were going to have twin boys, and that was what they would call them. So we wrote the names down.
And then our friends had a little girl. And then another little girl. We shrugged our shoulders and assumed Andy had been mistaken.
Nearly seven years, we were looking at profiles of children from social services. There was one profile of two boys. Something about them touched my heart. I'd felt for months that God had been dropping hints that we might be getting boys.
We were sat, having coffee, talking about what to do next. I was suggesting that we should find out more about the boys. Andy was slightly miffed we'd only been sent 3 profiles, because he was expecting a catalogue full. And I suddenly realised that the boys we were looking at were called by the names that Andy had been convinced God had told him seven years before.
How mad is that???
We didn't throw caution to the winds at that point, we continued to seek the information we wanted and we thought really carefully about it. I'm pretty convinced, though, that it's no co-incidence that our boys are called by the names Andy thought God had told him all those years ago.
My first thought was, "what a story to be able to tell our children!"
To be able to say that God had prepared a family for them, because He knew that they would need one.
It has also been incredibly helpful to me over the weeks running up to matching. It's just given me the little bit of confidence I needed, that we've made the right decision. Otherwise I would have been over-thinking the whole thing. Wondering if we were doing the right thing, if they were the right kids, worrying that we might have got it wrong, that we've not asked all the right questions...
Instead, we've chosen to believe that these are the right kids and that things will go ahead. Getting a 'yes' from the matching panel was still a huge moment. And we were still concerned that they might say 'no'. But that little hint that we were maybe heading in the right direction has made the last few weeks so much easier.
God is good!
We are now, four months after first hearing about them, officially cleared to begin introductions with our sons. We expect that to begin tomorrow.
The boys found out that we will be their parents, and saw the photo albums that we've made for them, on Friday evening.
I find it unbelievable that we only officially get the go ahead 3 days before we meet our kids! And there are cases where things don't go ahead, either at matching or at ratification. How is one supposed to prepare emotionally?
This was made somewhat easier for us by an interesting incident that occurred seven years ago. We opened our home up for prayer for a few weeks, back in June 2004. One day, Andy had been praying and came downstairs and said with great conviction, "God's just given me two names." They were boys names. We had friends at the time who wanted children and very specifically wanted twin boys. We thought maybe they were going to have twin boys, and that was what they would call them. So we wrote the names down.
And then our friends had a little girl. And then another little girl. We shrugged our shoulders and assumed Andy had been mistaken.
Nearly seven years, we were looking at profiles of children from social services. There was one profile of two boys. Something about them touched my heart. I'd felt for months that God had been dropping hints that we might be getting boys.
We were sat, having coffee, talking about what to do next. I was suggesting that we should find out more about the boys. Andy was slightly miffed we'd only been sent 3 profiles, because he was expecting a catalogue full. And I suddenly realised that the boys we were looking at were called by the names that Andy had been convinced God had told him seven years before.
How mad is that???
We didn't throw caution to the winds at that point, we continued to seek the information we wanted and we thought really carefully about it. I'm pretty convinced, though, that it's no co-incidence that our boys are called by the names Andy thought God had told him all those years ago.
My first thought was, "what a story to be able to tell our children!"
To be able to say that God had prepared a family for them, because He knew that they would need one.
It has also been incredibly helpful to me over the weeks running up to matching. It's just given me the little bit of confidence I needed, that we've made the right decision. Otherwise I would have been over-thinking the whole thing. Wondering if we were doing the right thing, if they were the right kids, worrying that we might have got it wrong, that we've not asked all the right questions...
Instead, we've chosen to believe that these are the right kids and that things will go ahead. Getting a 'yes' from the matching panel was still a huge moment. And we were still concerned that they might say 'no'. But that little hint that we were maybe heading in the right direction has made the last few weeks so much easier.
God is good!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)