The boys are visiting us at home today, for the first time. I slept really badly last night, despite going to bed at a reasonable hour and being utterly exhausted. Just too much happening in my head.
We arrived back home last night, after 2 days in North Birmingham. We were doing bedtime on Wednesday and the morning routine yesterday with the boys, so it made sense to sleep over somewhere nearby.
We had a great time on Wednesday. A had a 'good bye' party at school in the morning and then we picked him up at lunchtime to go to an appointment. Everyone was partying hard when we arrived. His teacher got all his classmates to make him a goodbye card and she's taken some photos of the party.
The school have handled things brilliantly. Everyone seems to know what's happening. His whole class has seen his family book and DVD. The move has been celebrated by everyone as a positive thing and he has had chance to say goodbye properly. One of the staff spoke to us yesterday and said how much they appreciated all the preparation materials. She said they'd had a child who'd been adopted with a different authority and there had been none of those things. "It was horrible. There were people coming into the classroom and we weren't allowed to say anything and the child was getting more and more anxious. It's lovely to see it done properly."
We went to the park with them both in the afternoon. and had a great time. J fell over a couple of times. I have been looking out for attachment cycle opportunities this week. Big cuddles after falling over and being scared felt very important. J, who is generally really frenetic, came and sat on my lap for ages and we watched A having fun with Andy. He even conquered the big boys' climbing frame, with support and encouragement from his Dad.
Thursday we took A to school for his last day and then had a whole day scheduled with J, until it was time to pick him up from school. The foster carer was obviously looking forward to our day out together too! It was absolutely pouring with rain, by the time we'd dropped A off. What on earth do you do with a 2 year old, in a town you don't know, for 5 hours in the pouring rain? We asked the foster carer, who had no ideas at all but rang her son-in-law who suggested a soft play place. We arrived at the soft play place, to find it very shut. What now?
Andy spied a Sure Start centre. So we parked the car there and I went in to ask about places to go. They had some sessions in the afternoon, a couple of leaflets and the opening times of the soft play centre. It opened later in the morning. Got back to the car and it wouldn't start. At all. Despite encouragement. I had helpfully not got round to updating our breakdown cover.
What on earth do you do with a 2 year old in a town you don't know, in the pouring rain, with a broken down car? By that time, ironically, the soft play centre round the corner, was open. So I took J there whilst Andy found a garage to tow the car away. We spent the day at the soft play place and got a bus back to the foster carer's house in time to walk to A's school to pick him up.
Not knowing the buses that well, we allowed an hour and a half to get back to the foster carer's house, because we desperately didn't want to be late to pick up A. And we had no mobile phone. Mine ran out of charge and I'd left it in the car. Usually, I'd have remembered to take a charger with us, given we were away over night. But there's been rather a lot to think about this week!
It took 20 minutes to get to the carer's home. Leaving us with an unscheduled hour in the house back in the 'he's not one for toys' scenario. Whichever child we are with, the foster carer will explain that the other one would play with toys, but not this one. This time, we went and got the one toy that we knew where to find - a Fisher Price fire station and fire engine - and J played very happily, with a bit of interaction and encouragement, for an hour. Faced with this irrefutable evidence, the foster carer explained that 'J will play with toys, but A isn't interested unless...'
We have warmed to the foster carers a bit this week. Now we've all become accustomed to one another, she has warmed to us and we've seen her softer side. At the start of the week, she came across as being very cold. Now she's relaxed, we've seen her softer side. She does have genuine affection for the children she looks after. It's a home of rules and structure, rather than one of fun and nurture. And the fact she really doesn't like mess and muddle is the most likely reason for the intolerance of toys about the place. That, and the fact that the boys need a bit of encouraging to get going with play sometimes.
The routine, structure and boundaries have provided physical safety and security, which has made a big difference to A and J. Those are the things we will be keen to replicate. The things we plan to add are fun, stimulation and love and cuddles.
We got home last night with the help of a very kind friend, who came and fetched us. Our car is still at the garage. The boys are coming to visit us today, with one of the foster carers and a social services support worker. Just time to make sure the house is safe......
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