Feeling hot hot hot!

It's summer!  And it's been summer all day!  It was summer yesterday as well.  And the day before that.  I was doing some Speech Therapy locuming in Liverpool Thursday and Friday and someone brought ice lollies into the office for everyone to share.  A really nice touch I thought.

Next Thursday is probably our last assessment visit from the social worker.  Then she needs to meet with our referees.  And the neighbour who shares our fenceless garden.  And then I suppose she will write her report.

What is interesting is that at this point, I have no idea at all how long it might be before we become parents.  It could conceivably be quite soon.  Presuming we get through panel.  Though to be honest I really can't see why we wouldn't.  We have spent the last couple of years trying not to think too hard about having kids, because there have been so many uncertainties.  I have resisted the temptation to buy cute things for future children almost completely. 

(This was my one moment of weakness...

I wouldn't normally have succumbed.  I don't go into toy shops unless I have someone very specific to buy for.  But I was in a furniture shop.  One doesn't expect to be ambushed by cute toys in furniture shops.  Now I look at him, he's a bit odd really - though very very cuddly... But I digress...)

It is beginning to occur to me, however, that we really ought to start thinking about the practicalities of having children in the house.  Although I know of so many people who get approved  and then wait for months and months before they get matched.  So do we start getting the house ready now?  In case it happens soon?  What happens if we get matched?  Will we get lots of time to prepare or will it all happen really quickly?  Will having a pile of sorting out to do, when we are waiting between being matched and starting introductions, be a welcome and exciting distraction, or will we be so busy, we curse the fact we didn't do everything now, when we had time?  If we tidy up now and buy furniture and things, will it be time well invested or will I then have children's bedrooms devoid of children to wander in and out of in a morbid fashion for a year and a half while social services insist that they don't have any children to place with us yet?

Questions to ponder in the garden over a glass of cold beer, perhaps.

Nightchurch - conversations with clubbers

I did Nightchurch last night, so I'm pleasantly tired and feeling justified in slobbing about in my dressing gown doing semi-productive things like blogging and drinking coffee.

Had a really interesting conversation with an atheist who said he thought the most important question to answer is whether there is a God or not and whether there is an after-life.  He said he could understand people who think about it and decide there is and he could understand people who, like himself, think about it and decide there isn't.  But he really doesn't get that lots of people don't care one way or the other.

Also had a chat with a young woman who works as a stripper.  We give out lollipops to people coming past.  I'd offered one to her boyfriend.  She was telling him not to take it because it was a God lollipop and he might get sucked into religion.  I said "You know how you don't get pregnant from snogging?" she said "yeah", I said "Well you don't become a Christian by eating a lollipop".  She laughed and said yes but he might get sucked in by our persuasive God talk.  I told her that we offer hospitality no strings attached and we don't talk about God unless people want to.

Almost immediately, she began telling me about the Christian school she went to and how she felt that being told a lot about religion when you're young can put you off.  I said, "Can I just point out that you are now talking to me about God.  I didn't start this conversation.  Just so we're clear about this."
"Oh no no, that's OK."  she said.  "I don't mind starting the conversation.  I know all the stories.  And the songs"

And now I'm standing in the middle of the street at 1 o'clock in the morning with a stripper who is enthusiastically singing "Shine Jesus Shine" to me. She is dancing and she knows the words.  (May the name of Graham Kendrick be blessed...).  I think this is hilarious.  So do the 3 guys she's with.

"God wouldn't welcome me,"  she says.  "I'd come to him if he would but I'm a stripper and he won't"
"God does welcome you!" I say.

We've been handing out stickers with the Nightchurch logo on and various slogans, such as 'Fancy a brew?', 'Chill out Lounge' and the surprisingly popular 'God Likes Me'. I happened to  have some of the latter with me.

"Listen,"  I say to her "I want to give you this.  It says 'God likes me'.  And I want you to know that he does like you and he does welcome you."  She is delighted with the sticker.
"But I couldn't be me.  I couldn't do what I do.  Wouldn't I have to stop before..."
"No." I say.  "God likes you as you are.  And he welcomes you.  I tell you what might happen though.  When you've been walking with Jesus for a while you might think 'you know what, I think I want to do something different'"
"I tell you what I'd like to do!" she says "I'd like to be a midwife."

We chat a little longer.  I say a little prayer for her, asking God to help her fulfil her dreams.  We hug and she heads off into the night with the 3 guys.

Her right breast now reads "God Likes Me."

Enjoying our assessment

I know this isn't what people usually say about the pre-adoption assessment process, but I am actually quite enjoying it.  We have finally managed to put to bed the issue of the fence.  Which is great!  The risk assessments and information about the shared garden will go into the report and we do not have to put up a fence in order to continue with the assessment process.  Hooray!

So to the process itself.  I know lots of people find it intrusive.  And I know that we are being finally judged worthy or not worthy of being parents.   But actually it's an opportunity to talk about ourselves and our views for a couple of hours every week or so to someone who is paid to listen and take it seriously.  What's not to like?  People pay therapists hundreds of pounds for that kind of opportunity!

This week we were talking about our relationship.  How we met.  What the strengths of our relationship are.  We had to say how we view one another so we'd both written short pieces about one another in preparation for the assessment.  Which Chris read out.  It was all quite romantic and slightly un-British.  A bit gushing really.  The sorts of things people say in funeral eulogies.  (There's a thought.  We could keep them.  Might save a job for one of us later on...)

We're also going to something called a profiling event next month.  We will get to see information about children the local authority is seeking to place with families.  I am really looking forward to that.  It will be good to find out about real children in our county needing families.  And we can express an interest in children we would like to know more about.  Although I suspect the fact we've not been approved means it's a bit like when you're looking at houses and you haven't sold yours yet and there are other people interested who have.

On the emotional roller-coaster that is adoption, I am on the flat bit at the top, where the view is marvellous and it's kind of peaceful and you think it might just get exciting some time soon.

chilling out

Had a tranquil day yesterday. My lurgy is finally on the wane and we have some lovely gardens just down the road from us. It's an old estate with a large lake. There was once a House. As in the kind of House you bequeath to the National Trust once the Family Money has been squandered and you can't afford to pay the gardener anymore. That has long since crumbled but the estate and the gardens have been restored.

I've had mixed feelings about this place. When they first began restoring the estate, it was great. You had to pay for the formal gardens, but walking round the lake was free. And there were a few shops in high class wooden huts selling over priced candles and assorted tat that pensioners visited on coach trips.

Then they built more and more wooden huts and merged the lake with the gardens so you had to pay for walking round it and installed a 'Frankie and Benny's' and a travel lodge. And lots more wooden huts selling things you don't need. There was a protest walk just before they atarted charging for walking round the lake, which I attended. And I hadn't been to the gardens for ages, because you have to pay for them. And having been on the protest, it felt a bit hypocritical to do so.

This year, though, I've treated myself to an annual season ticket, with some of my birthday money, and it is a truly lovely place to go. So I went for a wander yesterday. It's a real oasis. Here are some piccies:

Fence related news

We have at last heard back from the social worker about the shared garden.  The good news is that they seem to have dropped the requirement for us to erect a fence between us and the neighbours.  Hooray!!!!

However, we have the following requests from the manager, passed on to us by the social worker:

I would advise that we undertake the following:-

• Ask Mr & Mrs C to consider installing a higher fence and more secure gate on the canal side (we would need to establish who owns this boundary)
• Interview the neighbours who share the garden to ascertain their views. I note from the references Pat shared they are not included so this will be an extra check for us.
• I would like to know the type of play children engage in within the garden as Mr & Mrs C are confident it hasn’t presented any difficulties in the past
• To compensate for the weaknesses in the garden are there any parks or leisure amenities close by.

We are requested to write something addressing these points, which will go with the Prospective Adopters Report.  

Honestly.  Whilst I am pleased that we seem to be moving in the direction of common sense, I am somewhat frustrated that we have to produce a document to address a pile of non-issues.   The philosophy is evidently that they shouldn't remove one hoop without replacing it with some others.  

The fence on the canal side is 6 foot 2 inches.  Not sure how much higher they would like it.  Have a feeling this isn't the fence he means really - but still.  

I am also slightly confused by the request to categorise the 'type' of play that goes on in the garden and somewhat affronted by the suggestion that our garden has 'weaknesses' that need compensating.  

I have been battling with a virus for the last 3 weeks and feeling washed out and weary.  The thought of producing another document fills me with an overwhelming sense of apathy.  Ever been on one of those walks where you're trudging up a hill and the view is not great, because what you can mainly see is the hill, but you can see the top just a few yards in front of you.  Except that when you get to the top, it's not actually the top at all.  It just looked as if it might be.  There is a hill like that on the first leg of the West Highland Way where the whole 'false summit' thing happens about six times.  This feels a bit like that really.

But.  I shall take a deep breath and write something suitable about local play parks and the types of play engaged in by children in our garden.  Types of play???  Any ideas?  Does 'running about in a having-fun-sort-of-way' count as a 'type of play' do you think??

Waiting to hear...about the fence

We are still waiting to hear the verdict of Mr Chief Manager regarding our garden. And whether the dangers of sharing it with the neighbours must be eliminated before we could be entrusted with children. He was going to get back to us a week ago.

In the meantime, a friend put an enquiry about shared gardens on an adoption association discussion board. Someone replied and said that they share a garden and it was never even raised as an issue when they were being assessed. I have copied and pasted this information into an email for the manager today, which also served to remind him that we haven't heard anything.

In the meantime, Bohemian Rhapsody - as it always should have been...

To bake or not to bake...

..that is the question.


Church Without Walls is not meeting tomorrow afternoon in our usual churchy sort of way.  Instead, we are helping out at a community event.  We're running the cafe part, serving tea, coffee and cake.  


Usually, I'm good for a couple of home made cakes.  This week, however, I have been fighting off a medley of viruses and infections.  So am feeling somewhat weary.  


So do I bake, or do we just sell the shop bought ones we have?


How lovely to have a life so uncomplicated at this moment and so free of trouble that the only decision to make is whether to bake cakes or not!