Our last assessment visit

Andy and I spent three and half hours with Chris, our social worker, this morning.  The last of our assessment visits.  Sometimes called a 'home study'.  It's been quite an interesting journey, this part of the assessment process.  And I have really warmed to Chris, who I think has warmed to us also.  She is very warm hearted and passionate.  And obviously has oodles of experience.  Now she has to meet our referees and write up the report.  

Today we spent a lot of time talking about what kind of children we would be prepared to take on.  It really meant ticking a lot of boxes about the kinds of children we wouldn't be prepared to take on.  By which I mean the questions were all about the potential problems kids would come with.  So histories of violence, sexual abuse, attachment disorder, learning disability, aspergers syndrome, illness, physical problems, behavioural issues of various kinds....  the list went on.    

It's not nice ticking boxes and excluding people on the basis of such things.  It took a bit of thinking and reflecting to find a way of approaching the task which felt comfortable.  Don't know about Andy, but my thinking was as follows:

1. We've got to fill this piece of the form in, however horrid it feels.  
2. The hard truth is that whoever we parent in the end, means excluding everyone else.
3. To do the best job we can, we need to be as honest as possible with ourselves about what we want to do and what we can offer.

So we ticked the boxes.  Effectively we said that we understand that children will come with all sorts of problems and issues, but that we are looking to parent children who 

1. we stand some chance of forming an attachment with and who have a good chance of forming an attachment with us.
2. have a good chance of living independent adult lives.

We're hoping for a sibling group of 2 aged between around 3 and 8.

Obviously, I have a deep desire to be a parent.  From a sort of 'making a difference' point of view, I want to break the cycle for some kids.  Give them a stable, loving base to grow into adulthood from and a good model of what family life can be so that they have a fighting chance of going out and replicating that.  I feel really passionately about that.  

We have been asked to write something about our faith and about church.  And we have a financial assessment form to complete.  And then our 'homework' for the moment is almost done.  I have to say, the pre-adoption course and the assessment itself have been by far the easiest and most interesting part of the process.  It might have been hard if we were very private people but we're not in the slightest.

So.  Next thing for us is the profiling event later in July.  Oh, and sorting out the house to make space for a family.  Bigger job than it sounds, I think!

Enjoying our assessment

I know this isn't what people usually say about the pre-adoption assessment process, but I am actually quite enjoying it.  We have finally managed to put to bed the issue of the fence.  Which is great!  The risk assessments and information about the shared garden will go into the report and we do not have to put up a fence in order to continue with the assessment process.  Hooray!

So to the process itself.  I know lots of people find it intrusive.  And I know that we are being finally judged worthy or not worthy of being parents.   But actually it's an opportunity to talk about ourselves and our views for a couple of hours every week or so to someone who is paid to listen and take it seriously.  What's not to like?  People pay therapists hundreds of pounds for that kind of opportunity!

This week we were talking about our relationship.  How we met.  What the strengths of our relationship are.  We had to say how we view one another so we'd both written short pieces about one another in preparation for the assessment.  Which Chris read out.  It was all quite romantic and slightly un-British.  A bit gushing really.  The sorts of things people say in funeral eulogies.  (There's a thought.  We could keep them.  Might save a job for one of us later on...)

We're also going to something called a profiling event next month.  We will get to see information about children the local authority is seeking to place with families.  I am really looking forward to that.  It will be good to find out about real children in our county needing families.  And we can express an interest in children we would like to know more about.  Although I suspect the fact we've not been approved means it's a bit like when you're looking at houses and you haven't sold yours yet and there are other people interested who have.

On the emotional roller-coaster that is adoption, I am on the flat bit at the top, where the view is marvellous and it's kind of peaceful and you think it might just get exciting some time soon.