We just got a form through the post this week, inviting us to an adoption preparation class in February. I sent it back today. I'm really excited!! I'm excited about the course. I'm excited about our friends and family writing and sending off their reference forms.
I know that for many people, all this bureaucratic stuff feels like a nuisance (and it may feel that way to us in a few months time - my patience with paperwork and processes is not great). For me, having spent 2 years waiting for it to start, it really feels wonderful! We are on our way at last!
It's also time to begin to think about what having kids would actually mean for us practically. I have deliberately resisted doing that because Andy's medical history could so easily have meant it wouldn't happen. I really wanted to take one day at a time. To have created the image of a family in my head for it then to be potentially dashed felt unwise. There is enough grief in the whole infertility experience already, without willfully adding to it, thank you very much. So it's only now that, tentatively, I'm starting to think about it.
And I'm really excited!
Tuesday, 8 December 2009
Tuesday, 1 December 2009
Please pray for the Ugandan government
I was absolutely appalled to find out about the legislation before the Ugandan government. They are proposing to make life imprisonment the minimum penalty for gay sex and to impose the death sentence in certain cases. Full details in the article here:
www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/nov/29/uganda-death-sentence-gay-sex
This is just wrong. As a follower of Jesus I am outraged and deeply saddened by this bigotry and ignorance. And incensed that people are using Christianity as a justification for such sinister and extreme homophobia. (Yes, I know that happens a lot.)
Please join me in praying that common sense prevails and this legislation gets thrown out.
www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/nov/29/uganda-death-sentence-gay-sex
This is just wrong. As a follower of Jesus I am outraged and deeply saddened by this bigotry and ignorance. And incensed that people are using Christianity as a justification for such sinister and extreme homophobia. (Yes, I know that happens a lot.)
Please join me in praying that common sense prevails and this legislation gets thrown out.
Sunday, 29 November 2009
Filling in forms - fun for all the family!
My parents came to visit this weekend, with one of my sisters and brought the adoption reference forms with them. They had spent some time together answering the questions. Mum said they decided they would do it separately and then exchange ideas. The thought of them sitting down together at the dining room table, answering questions on our behalf, was profoundly supportive. They'd written some really nice stuff about the sort of people we are and how we relate to children. The kind of thing you think about people and don't necessarily always say.
The other thing that was interesting is that they had remembered about things I'd done, in terms of working with kids over the years, that I had completely forgotten about. For several weeks one summer, in the summer holidays from University, for example, I had a job leading a play scheme for children and young people with learning disabilities. And I helped out at Sunday School as a teeenager for several years. Then, as we got talking, we both remembered loads of other things we've done. If we list everything, it comes out as quite a substantial inventory of experience. We've led children's work in Kosovo, visited orphanages in the Ukraine, set up youth groups for churches. I helped on a holiday for children with severe speech and language disorder one year. Andy's work with young offenders and teenagers with behavioural difficulties. Honestly, the list goes on and on.
They had also remembered things that we'd told them, that I wouldn't necessarily have expected them to remember. Like the fact that when our nieces came to stay one time, we put up a tent in the garden and camped out with them.
Mum looked at me and said, "you've got a lot of experience. More than most would have. More than we had when we had you." And I thought, 'yes, we have, actually.'
In fact, the whole thing was profoundly affirming and encouraging. Who'd have thought forms could be fun!
The other thing that was interesting is that they had remembered about things I'd done, in terms of working with kids over the years, that I had completely forgotten about. For several weeks one summer, in the summer holidays from University, for example, I had a job leading a play scheme for children and young people with learning disabilities. And I helped out at Sunday School as a teeenager for several years. Then, as we got talking, we both remembered loads of other things we've done. If we list everything, it comes out as quite a substantial inventory of experience. We've led children's work in Kosovo, visited orphanages in the Ukraine, set up youth groups for churches. I helped on a holiday for children with severe speech and language disorder one year. Andy's work with young offenders and teenagers with behavioural difficulties. Honestly, the list goes on and on.
They had also remembered things that we'd told them, that I wouldn't necessarily have expected them to remember. Like the fact that when our nieces came to stay one time, we put up a tent in the garden and camped out with them.
Mum looked at me and said, "you've got a lot of experience. More than most would have. More than we had when we had you." And I thought, 'yes, we have, actually.'
In fact, the whole thing was profoundly affirming and encouraging. Who'd have thought forms could be fun!
Saturday, 21 November 2009
Forms....
Had a phone call from my Mum this week to say that they have received some forms from Staffordshire adoption agency. Quite lengthy apparently (what a surprise!!). This is interesting, as it is now 2 years since we first completed our application form and put down references. I don't actually remember who all the people are who we put as potential referees and they didn't tell us they were about to send out forms!!! I have a feeling one of our referrees is now living in South Africa.
It's so good to know they have started the process of gathering information though. It has been a very very long time coming!
It's so good to know they have started the process of gathering information though. It has been a very very long time coming!
Saturday, 7 November 2009
Medical results! Hooray! I think....
It's now just about 2 years since Andy and I first decided to look into adoption and contacted our local agency. This Wednesday, absolutely sick to death of waiting for Staffordshire adoption service to get back to us following the medical Andy had in February, we went and met with an organisation called 'Adoption Focus'. They are a charity. So we sat and had another introductory conversation with an agency.
They have a preparation course running in March, and would expect us to be assessed within 8 months of the end of the course.
Then, would you believe it, we got home from our interview with Adoption Focus to a telephone message from Staffordshire to say that they've had Andy's medical assessed and are happy for us to move onto the next stage of the process! They have a course in February.
Suddenly, after months and months and months of nothing at all, things are looking possible within the next year or so.
Don't know how I feel really. Would have expected to be ecstatic. But we've had a slightly rough time adjusting to being back in the UK after our time in Africa and various other stresses. I wandered round our house the other day realising how completely ignorant we are of what we would be letting ourselves in for if we adopt. Realising just how used to being childless we are. Wondering if this is really such a good thing to do. Wondering how we'd cope. Wondering why we want to do it.
I think it's the shock of moving from a situation where we want to but we can't and it's a nice idea for some time in the future, to one where it's actually on the cards. I don't think we will fail an adoption assessment. We are, at least on paper, pretty reasonable candidates. It's now not likely, but not impossible, that this could be our last Christmas as a couple without kids.
It reminds me of the transition from dating Andy and talking about getting married at some point, to him actually proposing and having to say yes or no. I was really quite shell shocked (he popped the question whilst I was driving the car. We were on the A1M heading south, just north of Ferrybridge. I was in the middle lane.....). It was the moment of going from an idea to a planned reality and I panicked (not enough to crash the car, you'll be glad to hear) at the sudden realness of the situation. On a positive note, I said 'yes' and aside from deciding to follow Jesus, it was the best decision I ever made. We have had a wonderful 11 years. I shudder to think what I would have missed out on, had I said no.
They have a preparation course running in March, and would expect us to be assessed within 8 months of the end of the course.
Then, would you believe it, we got home from our interview with Adoption Focus to a telephone message from Staffordshire to say that they've had Andy's medical assessed and are happy for us to move onto the next stage of the process! They have a course in February.
Suddenly, after months and months and months of nothing at all, things are looking possible within the next year or so.
Don't know how I feel really. Would have expected to be ecstatic. But we've had a slightly rough time adjusting to being back in the UK after our time in Africa and various other stresses. I wandered round our house the other day realising how completely ignorant we are of what we would be letting ourselves in for if we adopt. Realising just how used to being childless we are. Wondering if this is really such a good thing to do. Wondering how we'd cope. Wondering why we want to do it.
I think it's the shock of moving from a situation where we want to but we can't and it's a nice idea for some time in the future, to one where it's actually on the cards. I don't think we will fail an adoption assessment. We are, at least on paper, pretty reasonable candidates. It's now not likely, but not impossible, that this could be our last Christmas as a couple without kids.
It reminds me of the transition from dating Andy and talking about getting married at some point, to him actually proposing and having to say yes or no. I was really quite shell shocked (he popped the question whilst I was driving the car. We were on the A1M heading south, just north of Ferrybridge. I was in the middle lane.....). It was the moment of going from an idea to a planned reality and I panicked (not enough to crash the car, you'll be glad to hear) at the sudden realness of the situation. On a positive note, I said 'yes' and aside from deciding to follow Jesus, it was the best decision I ever made. We have had a wonderful 11 years. I shudder to think what I would have missed out on, had I said no.
Tuesday, 27 October 2009
The Gorilla Incident
I mentioned in my last post that I am still recovering from whiplash following an encounter with a gorilla. Tricia has requested more details. So here goes.
Whlst we were in Uganda, we decided to 'treat ourselves' to a gorilla tracking trip. In the mountain rainforests that border Uganda, Rwanda and the Democratic Republic of Congo, are some many of the world's last remaining mountain gorillas (as in 'Gorillas in the Mist'). As part of the effort to protect these amazing creatures, money is raised for local communities and for conservation by charging small numbers of rich tourists large sums of money to track them, with guides, in the forest and then spend time with a group of gorillas that has been 'habituated' to human contact. There are only a few groups of gorillas that are visited by people in this way and they restrict contact to one hour a day by a maximum group of 8 people. This opportunity is in high demand, and usually you have to book 3 months in advance to do it.
Towards the end of our trip in Uganda, we desparately wanted to see some of the country, having spent nearly 4 weeks, in one of the most beautiful countries in Africa, in a village near Kampala. We expressed an interest in seeing the gorillas to someone who organises trips, and they managed to sort out a trek for us very quickly so we toured across Uganda (it was a 3 day trip) to see the gorillas. Every report we read on the net cited this as a truly amazing and wonderful experience.
For me, one of the most amazing things was just being in the rainforest. The scenery was just stunning. We spent the night before our gorilla encounter in a tent on a platform overlooking the rainforest. Truly beautiful.
The assailant.
The view from our campsite
Whlst we were in Uganda, we decided to 'treat ourselves' to a gorilla tracking trip. In the mountain rainforests that border Uganda, Rwanda and the Democratic Republic of Congo, are some many of the world's last remaining mountain gorillas (as in 'Gorillas in the Mist'). As part of the effort to protect these amazing creatures, money is raised for local communities and for conservation by charging small numbers of rich tourists large sums of money to track them, with guides, in the forest and then spend time with a group of gorillas that has been 'habituated' to human contact. There are only a few groups of gorillas that are visited by people in this way and they restrict contact to one hour a day by a maximum group of 8 people. This opportunity is in high demand, and usually you have to book 3 months in advance to do it.
Towards the end of our trip in Uganda, we desparately wanted to see some of the country, having spent nearly 4 weeks, in one of the most beautiful countries in Africa, in a village near Kampala. We expressed an interest in seeing the gorillas to someone who organises trips, and they managed to sort out a trek for us very quickly so we toured across Uganda (it was a 3 day trip) to see the gorillas. Every report we read on the net cited this as a truly amazing and wonderful experience.
For me, one of the most amazing things was just being in the rainforest. The scenery was just stunning. We spent the night before our gorilla encounter in a tent on a platform overlooking the rainforest. Truly beautiful.
We trekked for a couple of hours through the forest until we came to our gorilla group. The first gorilla was just sitting in the bushes eating.
The second gorilla, a very large male, decided to 'play'. Apparently, a normal way of approaching an unknown gorilla, if you are a large male hoping to be a silverback one day, is to run at them and see if you can knock them over, thus proving who is strongest. We had strict instructions not to move, should a gorilla run at us. Apparently, running away would be seen as unfriendly and possibly provoke wrath on the part of the gorilla.
What happened next is a bit of a blur.... A very large male gorilla bounded down the hill towards us and quite high speed and knocked me over. Was standing at the top of a fairly steep slope at the time, so hit the ground backwards with some force. Scrambling to my feet bruised and muddied with a twisted ankle, sore head, sore chest and stiff neck, I couldn't help wondering which of us was endangered...
Spent the rest of our allegedly magical experience feeling somewhat shaken and rather scared. Was suddenly aware of how very large and strong these creatures are. Even the young gorillas we saw playing looked somewhat fearsome from where I was standing!!! Luckily, Andy took lots of pictures so I could relive the more magical bits away from the forest in the safety of our own living room!
Me, immediately post gorilla attack.
The assailant.
The view from our campsite
Thursday, 15 October 2009
Back in the UK
We're back in the UK, after our Africa adventures. Had a great time as well as some hairy moments. I am still nursing a whiplash injury following an encounter with a mountain gorilla - how's that for an interesting injury? And Andy still has a swollen elbow following his encounter with a careless minibus driver in Kampala. I think my injury is more exciting!!
We rang Staffordshire adoption service when we got back. They still haven't got an answer for us from our medicals, which we had done in February. Andy was asking what the timescale would be if we were to pass the medical. They couldn't possibly tell us. Ho hum.
There is a new voluntary adoption agency appeared just down the road from us. Actually it's a re-incarnation of an old agency, called Father Hudson. Father Hudson was a Catholic agency and Catholic adoption agencies over here got into a bit of bother a while back because they were unwilling to consider gay couples. Discrimination on the grounds of sexuality is now specifically outlawed in the UK. So I suspect that's why they disappeared and have re-appeared in a different form. I'm only guessing mind. They now state that they accept applications from (amongst others) 'couples who have a civil partnership.' All their material looks very professional and I had a good conversation with someone. I'm very tempted to jump ship and try them. Andy just looked really tired when I suggested it and said "but we'd have to have a CRB check done again." I pointed out that actually we've only had a CRB check done with Birmingham (not counting the countless ones we've had for various work purposes). But I understand how he feels.
Andy did say the other day that if nothing has happened in a years time, he thinks we should call it quits. And for the first time, I said I agreed. We really can't carry on this waiting for nothing to happen forever. I think something will happen in the next year or so, if this is part of God's plan for us. And when I think of the children we met in Africa, and the times we were tired, and just spending a bit of time with some kids, fired us up again and gave us energy it makes me think we've got something to offer.
Andy fell in love with quite a few kids. Including a 14 year old girl and a 2 year old that Andy kept threatening to take home in his suitcase. And both our hearts were touched by a 17 year old girl we met in Uganda who we would happily have adopted. Then there was the day we were at a church service in South Africa (typical African, very loud and lasts about a week) and Andy got bored. I found him outside at the end, playing with a load of kids he'd befriended. He quite obviously felt much closer to God playing with the kids than he did in church. I know none of this is anything like having full time responsibility for children...
Anyway, we have information from Adoption Focus and I have written a rather pointed letter to Staffordshire, telling them we need to know what's happening and how long things are likely to take. So we'll see. In the meantime we're settling back into life on our home continent and getting on with things. Missing Africa but loving the warm showers and indoor flushing toilets!!!!!
We rang Staffordshire adoption service when we got back. They still haven't got an answer for us from our medicals, which we had done in February. Andy was asking what the timescale would be if we were to pass the medical. They couldn't possibly tell us. Ho hum.
There is a new voluntary adoption agency appeared just down the road from us. Actually it's a re-incarnation of an old agency, called Father Hudson. Father Hudson was a Catholic agency and Catholic adoption agencies over here got into a bit of bother a while back because they were unwilling to consider gay couples. Discrimination on the grounds of sexuality is now specifically outlawed in the UK. So I suspect that's why they disappeared and have re-appeared in a different form. I'm only guessing mind. They now state that they accept applications from (amongst others) 'couples who have a civil partnership.' All their material looks very professional and I had a good conversation with someone. I'm very tempted to jump ship and try them. Andy just looked really tired when I suggested it and said "but we'd have to have a CRB check done again." I pointed out that actually we've only had a CRB check done with Birmingham (not counting the countless ones we've had for various work purposes). But I understand how he feels.
Andy did say the other day that if nothing has happened in a years time, he thinks we should call it quits. And for the first time, I said I agreed. We really can't carry on this waiting for nothing to happen forever. I think something will happen in the next year or so, if this is part of God's plan for us. And when I think of the children we met in Africa, and the times we were tired, and just spending a bit of time with some kids, fired us up again and gave us energy it makes me think we've got something to offer.
Andy fell in love with quite a few kids. Including a 14 year old girl and a 2 year old that Andy kept threatening to take home in his suitcase. And both our hearts were touched by a 17 year old girl we met in Uganda who we would happily have adopted. Then there was the day we were at a church service in South Africa (typical African, very loud and lasts about a week) and Andy got bored. I found him outside at the end, playing with a load of kids he'd befriended. He quite obviously felt much closer to God playing with the kids than he did in church. I know none of this is anything like having full time responsibility for children...
Anyway, we have information from Adoption Focus and I have written a rather pointed letter to Staffordshire, telling them we need to know what's happening and how long things are likely to take. So we'll see. In the meantime we're settling back into life on our home continent and getting on with things. Missing Africa but loving the warm showers and indoor flushing toilets!!!!!
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