Late night musings

It's been a funny week. I've been fighting a cold all week, and have felt horribly ill for most of it. Managed to get really stressed out last week about the assessment process, and this ridiculous ongoing saga of the alleged unsuitability of our garden. Which is what has contributed to the complete collapse of my immune system (OK - I exaggerate) this week and turned me into a mucus producing, washed out mess.

For anyone new to the saga, we have a lovely big garden which we share with our neighbours. According to our social services department, this poses a huge risk to any potential adopted children and the only way they can currently see of managing this risk is for us to put a fence up. We are now waiting for the verdict of the social services manager, who came to look at the situation earlier this week.

It all feels a bit odd really. By the end of our meeting on Wednesday, I was feeling very sure that the manager who visited was not going to budge on the issue of the fence. And feeling really low about the whole thing. Desperately sad about probably being pushed into dividing up our shared garden.

Since them, I've gathered more information and advice, and written him a somewhat lengthy email which makes it very clear that two different advisors from the best respected adoption organisation in the country would not feel we needed to separate our garden from the neighbours.

I would hate to have to put a fence up. It probably sounds a bit petty really. But the thing is, we love our garden. We burnt the fence on the barbeque, sat in our neighbour's garden, several years ago. And then set about creating a shared space. The result has been an absolute joy. We've had loads of parties in the garden. Lots of children have enjoyed playing in it. The thought of ending the thing we worked so hard to create, saddens me greatly. I hate the idea that our kids would miss out on the garden which has brought so much joy to so many other children (we actually only 'own' a very small portion of the garden - the rest belongs to the neighbour who so kindly shares it with us).

The really frustrating thing is that there is no good reason to put up a fence. We've had advice from independent experts saying that it's not necessary. And we've suggested very workable ways of dealing the potential 'risk'. So if they do decide that they don't want to continue with our assessment in the absence of a fence, it will be in the face of a great deal of evidence and common sense.

From an objective point of view, they really should be expected to come back to us and say they are happy for us to continue with our current arrangement. My experience over the last 2.5 years, however, has been that whenever social services have decided something, they have been completely and utterly immoveable.

So we're waiting. Hoping that for the first time in this process someone changes their mind and adopts a more enlightened approach. And hoping not to be shopping for fences this time next week.