Does dealing with the sometimes pointless and usually furstrating bureaucracy of adoption need to be destructive, or could it be something that God uses to help me to grow? This is a thought that has been floating about in my mind for a couple of weeks.
I have a real problem with processes that get in the way of achieving what is meant to be the goal. Particularly when they are administered by people who seem oblivious to the fact that they are counter productive and insist that they must be applied anyway. I feel compelled to point out the pointlessness and argue politely but vociferously that common sense demands that the process be laid aside in this instance. This almost always changes nothing and I end up feeling powerless and frustrated.
Some while back, I asked God what the point of patience is. It's listed as one of the fruits of the Spirit. It's a virtue that I have generally ignored. After all, being patient doesn't exactly get things done, does it? It's not really a 21st century virtue.
I am beginnning to see the point. One of the things about being impatient, is that one tends to see anyone who is getting in the way, not as a person but as an obstacle. Being patient in a supermarket queue, for example, allows space to notice people and even to be nice to them. I guess in the adoption process, being a bit more patient will help me to view the people we deal with - even the social workers - more compassionately.
I eventually rang the social worker on Thursday night, not having heard from her, at 7:30pm. She couldn't find out what the assessment team felt about us living in Stoke on Trent because she couldn't get into her email.
"I'll just have to ring them tomorrow."
Her tone of voice suggested that this was an extreme action, but one she was prepared to take on our behalf. So yesterday, I was waiting for the phone again. You know that dilemma, where someone has said they will ring, and you need to work out how long to leave it before
you phone
them? I'm thinking, 'I need to leave it long enough, that it doesn't look like I'm harassing her, but I need to ring early enough in the day, that she still has time to do something about it if we've slipped off her list.' In the end, I rang at about 11am, largely because I'd spoken to Andy, who was really very cross that we didn't know, when the lodgers were booked in to do their CRB checks the next day, and wanted me to ring immediately. He had a point, so I did.
I eventually spoke to the SW at lunchtime. She still doesn't have an answer for us. Apparently there are 3 teams of people who need to agree that us living in Stoke on Trent is OK. The screening team, the assessment team and the after care team. The screening team and the assessment team are OK with it. We're awaiting an answer from the after care team which we will get on Tuesday. Allegedly.
"But the lodgers are booked to go to Birmingham for their CRB check tomorrow. They could go, and it could turn out to be a waste of time. Can't we get an aswer today?"
Of course we can't. Her advice was to let them have the CRB check anyway. Given that they are travelling through Birmingham today anyway, that organising for them to go another time would be much more difficult than them doing it now, and that we're only waiting for one more team to say yes, it seemed like good advice. It was a relief to know we'd got as much information as we could this week and to decide to let it go.
Andy was really cross that we hadn't got an answer. "DIDN'T YOU TELL THEM WE NEED TO KNOW? THE LODGERS ARE GOING TO DO THEIR CRB CHECKS TOMORROW AND IT COULD BE A WASTE OF TIME!"
"Yes I did. I could have said it as many times as I liked, but it wasn't going to change anything."
I actually felt at peace about it. I'd done what I could do. Remember the AA prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.It really makes sense.
