Yesterday we went out to buy swimming costumes and arm bands.
Today we braved swimming.
Neither of the boys had ever been swimming before. So this was something of an adventure. I was particularly concerned about taking littlest son. He doesn't like noise, has only just got used to the bath and deeply dislikes standing bare foot on any kind of uncarpeted surface.
We picked our pool carefully. There is a leisure pool designed for young children not far from us. It has lots of very shallow pools, some little slides between pools, a gently sloping beach style entrance and a gentle river rapids area.
They both did marvellously. Though as predicted, J was really scared to begin with and cried lots. To the point where I was seriously considering taking him back to the changing room to get dressed.
The thing that cracked it was a little slide from one pool to another. He loves slides and thought this one was marvellous. By the end, he was having a great time. He even went in the big pool with Daddy who took him on a ride through the rapids on a large float.
A was also nervous to begin with, but soon was relishing exploring what was on offer. He too came in the big pool for a ride round the rapids with Mummy. They both thought it was brilliant and are looking forward to repeating the experience.
Wednesday, 22 June 2011
A Miracle!
It's 8:30 and the kids are still asleep in bed!!!
Think I'd better go and check they've not been kidnapped....
Think I'd better go and check they've not been kidnapped....
A Miracle!
It's 8:30 and the kids are still asleep in bed!!!
Think I'd better go and check they've not been kidnapped....
Think I'd better go and check they've not been kidnapped....
Monday, 20 June 2011
Pirates
On Saturday, for some bizarre reason, the boys decided that it would be a great idea to put the decorative glass pebbles from the coffee table in the living room (the obvious choking hazard pebbles, that I am now rounding up and disposing of) down my front and into my bra.
My first thought in response to this wanton intrusion into my undergarments? "What a great attachment opportunity!" Oh the surreal world of adoptive parenting...
We then marched upstairs to see if Mummy rattled when she walked and A reclaimed the beads as treasure for his Fisher Price pirate ship and we did lots of talking in pirate voices.
And then Andy's head appears round the door in a pirate style head scarf / bandanna.
Priceless.
Andy of course delighted in making reference to treasure chests.....
My first thought in response to this wanton intrusion into my undergarments? "What a great attachment opportunity!" Oh the surreal world of adoptive parenting...
We then marched upstairs to see if Mummy rattled when she walked and A reclaimed the beads as treasure for his Fisher Price pirate ship and we did lots of talking in pirate voices.
And then Andy's head appears round the door in a pirate style head scarf / bandanna.
Priceless.
Andy of course delighted in making reference to treasure chests.....
"He Looks Just Like You..."
Packing my shopping at Tesco the other day, trying to subtly keep a tired and wired littlest son from damaging the fixtures and fittings when I realised the cashier was going all gooey eyed.
"You can tell he's yours!" she said.
This has not happened to me before. I'm really not quite sure how to take it. Realising that looking bemused is not the expected response I cast about in my brain for some words.
"I suppose he does look a bit like me," I say, thinking "We have the same number of eyes???"
She then proceeded to compliment J's general beauty and cuteness which made me feel so proud it almost brought a tear to my eye. "Oh thank you! You've made me go all proud!" I said. Feeling somewhat overwhelmed.
She had no way of knowing she was the first stranger to compliment me about my children or the first person to say that J or A look like me.
Exhausted.... But Still Dancing
I am exhausted.
I knew that becoming parents would be more difficult and more tiring than anything I had ever done. I also knew that we had absolutely no idea what it would be like.
We have two boys who need lots and lots of attention. They are gorgeous. They also carry a lot of emotional hurt and damage. Littlest son I suspect, is carrying a fair amount of anxiety. He seems to live on adrenaline. His foster carer's son referred to him as the Ever Ready Bunny.
Oldest son seems to need to be in control. This means that whatever we ask him to do, he tries to find a way of not quite doing what we've asked, or refuses to do it, or says he will and then starts doing it and stops, or does it ridiculously slowly. If you say 'you've got another 5 minutes and then we're going' he says "I'll just have 10 minutes." If you say "Could you give that to me," he says "I'll give it to Daddy."
He also doesn't cope very well if things go too well for him. Too much praise or success and you can just about guarantee he will be super difficult in what looks like a very definite attempt to sabotage things. A favourite trick is to ask for something he knows you're going to say 'no' to just so he's got a reason to have a Super Sulk. And you can see it in his expression before he asks the question. Tonight it was a request to do some hoovering before he had his bath. Far be it from me to refuse ANYONE the opportunity to hoover my house - but it really wasn't the right moment.
If we can get some attachment promoting activity into the day, it really helps his behaviour and his mood and helps youngest son to calm down a little. So we are aiming for, and generally managing, two or three "cuddly times" with each of them and looking out for opportunities for play and cuddles and fun. We are also doing everything we can to maintain clear boundaries and communicate that we are the ones in control, without becoming unwitting players in A's script of life where he is unloved and shunned or disapproved of. And attempting to get them into the fresh air where they can run off some of the energy and adrenaline.
I also notice that their world view and priorities are very different from ours. It's very easy to interpret behaviour as difficult, when it just doesn't come from your perspective. When you're 5 the world is genuinely interesting at every turn. Sometimes A is being deliberately awkward. Sometimes though, he is simply doing things at his pace or operating on a completely different plane. Earlier, we were coming back from somewhere, I was getting them in the car and he proceeded to open all the car doors. I'm beginning to think "here we go again" when he says excitedly "Look Mummy! It's an aeroplane!" And he was right. It did look like an aeroplane with all the doors open. "Wow! You're right! It does look like an aeroplane!" I said., reflecting inwardly on the importance of trying to see the world through their eyes and not just mine. This passing event was significant enough to A to want to tell Daddy when we got home.
Thursday I was Super Mummy. I managed to find ways of circumventing almost every sulk by turning things into games, I responded to every opportunity for hugs and attachment. I walked down the garden with littlest son about 40 times to fetch his ball because he wanted me to go with him.
Friday I was exhausted. And irritable. And feeling guilty about being exhausted and irritable. By the end of the day I was just about done in. Didn't know how I would make through tea time and bed time.
Then I walked into the kitchen where the kids had found the radio and were dancing to radio 2. We danced together for about half and hour. And I wasn't exhausted anymore....
I knew that becoming parents would be more difficult and more tiring than anything I had ever done. I also knew that we had absolutely no idea what it would be like.
We have two boys who need lots and lots of attention. They are gorgeous. They also carry a lot of emotional hurt and damage. Littlest son I suspect, is carrying a fair amount of anxiety. He seems to live on adrenaline. His foster carer's son referred to him as the Ever Ready Bunny.
Oldest son seems to need to be in control. This means that whatever we ask him to do, he tries to find a way of not quite doing what we've asked, or refuses to do it, or says he will and then starts doing it and stops, or does it ridiculously slowly. If you say 'you've got another 5 minutes and then we're going' he says "I'll just have 10 minutes." If you say "Could you give that to me," he says "I'll give it to Daddy."
He also doesn't cope very well if things go too well for him. Too much praise or success and you can just about guarantee he will be super difficult in what looks like a very definite attempt to sabotage things. A favourite trick is to ask for something he knows you're going to say 'no' to just so he's got a reason to have a Super Sulk. And you can see it in his expression before he asks the question. Tonight it was a request to do some hoovering before he had his bath. Far be it from me to refuse ANYONE the opportunity to hoover my house - but it really wasn't the right moment.
If we can get some attachment promoting activity into the day, it really helps his behaviour and his mood and helps youngest son to calm down a little. So we are aiming for, and generally managing, two or three "cuddly times" with each of them and looking out for opportunities for play and cuddles and fun. We are also doing everything we can to maintain clear boundaries and communicate that we are the ones in control, without becoming unwitting players in A's script of life where he is unloved and shunned or disapproved of. And attempting to get them into the fresh air where they can run off some of the energy and adrenaline.
I also notice that their world view and priorities are very different from ours. It's very easy to interpret behaviour as difficult, when it just doesn't come from your perspective. When you're 5 the world is genuinely interesting at every turn. Sometimes A is being deliberately awkward. Sometimes though, he is simply doing things at his pace or operating on a completely different plane. Earlier, we were coming back from somewhere, I was getting them in the car and he proceeded to open all the car doors. I'm beginning to think "here we go again" when he says excitedly "Look Mummy! It's an aeroplane!" And he was right. It did look like an aeroplane with all the doors open. "Wow! You're right! It does look like an aeroplane!" I said., reflecting inwardly on the importance of trying to see the world through their eyes and not just mine. This passing event was significant enough to A to want to tell Daddy when we got home.
Thursday I was Super Mummy. I managed to find ways of circumventing almost every sulk by turning things into games, I responded to every opportunity for hugs and attachment. I walked down the garden with littlest son about 40 times to fetch his ball because he wanted me to go with him.
Friday I was exhausted. And irritable. And feeling guilty about being exhausted and irritable. By the end of the day I was just about done in. Didn't know how I would make through tea time and bed time.
Then I walked into the kitchen where the kids had found the radio and were dancing to radio 2. We danced together for about half and hour. And I wasn't exhausted anymore....
Thursday, 16 June 2011
Noise
Have I just not noticed how noisy the world is, or are we jinxed in some way? Littlest son needs cuddles when there is noise about. Particularly lawn mowers, hedge trimmers and the like. I swear, for the first two weeks we had them, EVERY TIME we went to a park, there was a lawn mower.
Last week, at our local park there was no less than four lawn mowers. FOUR! It's really not that big a park.
Today, everybody in the world was cutting trees down.
The other day, just as we were leaving the house, a mechanical road sweeper came down our road. We have lived here seven years and I have never ever seen a road sweeper of any description in our little road. Let alone a noisy, growly, mechanical one. And it appears just as we're leaving the house. FOUR TIMES it went up and down the road.
Hmm.
Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you....
Last week, at our local park there was no less than four lawn mowers. FOUR! It's really not that big a park.
Today, everybody in the world was cutting trees down.
The other day, just as we were leaving the house, a mechanical road sweeper came down our road. We have lived here seven years and I have never ever seen a road sweeper of any description in our little road. Let alone a noisy, growly, mechanical one. And it appears just as we're leaving the house. FOUR TIMES it went up and down the road.
Hmm.
Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you....
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