Meet the parents

My parents came up a couple of weekends ago to meet with the social worker.  She was due to arrive at 10am.  The Plan, in my head, was for us all to have had breakfast before she arrived, and then for me and Andy to disappear out for a couple of hours, possibly with my sister, so they could talk.

I needed to disappear for a couple of hours, because Church Without Walls was having a stand at the local Gay Pride event.  Which was all a bit last minute.  But I thought it was an opportunity not to be missed.  They didn't have any stands left, but were very happy to find us a table in a corner if we pitched up in the morning and went and spoke to the guy called, who was co-ordinating it.  Could have left it to someone else, but I was the only person who'd met Andy the Co-Ordinator and actually knew what he looked like.  Not a problem, I thought, we need to be out of the house anyway.  So having an errand to run is not going to be an issue.

It was really great to see my parents.  I have found, over the years, that the best time to have a good conversation with my Dad, is late at night, after a couple of beers, over a glass of whiskey.  So Andy and I went to the pub with Dad on Friday night.  By the time we'd got home, and sat and chatted over a couple of glasses of scotch (I do like a single malt....) it was fairly late.  I surrendered and crawled into bed at 2am.  Andy and Dad were still chatting when I retired.

The best time to chat to Mum, however, is early in the morning, over a coffee or tea, preferably before everyone else is up and the house is quiet.  So I got up reasonably early on Saturday and we were having a really good conversation, sun shining through the window, cup of coffee, quiet house, when I looked at my watch and realised it was ten past nine.

This is a bit of an error as the only person in the house who is dressed, is my mother.  I'm up and drinking coffee but still in my dressing gown.  Everyone else is asleep.  Social worker arriving in 50 minutes.  No one has had breakfast.

We make tea for the sleeping people and I cook breakfast.  20 minutes to 10, breakfast is cooked.  Everyone is dressed and ready to eat and we've achieved this miracle quite calmly really.  I'm in my dressing gown, but I have 20 minutes to shower and change.  Everyone else can eat.  I'll get ready and breakfast in a minute.  All under control.

19 minutes to 10 the social worker arrives.

I could have disappeared and got someone else to let her in.  But to be honest, I thought that having spent something in excess of 20 hours with us, finding out things that even some of my best friends don't know, seeing me in a dressing gown wasn't that much of an issue.  So I cheerily answered the door, congratulated her on her punctuality and invited her to join us for breakfast while I went and changed.

Bizarrely,  the social worker didn't seem to be entirely comfortable with being with my family at the breakfast table.  She protested loudly at the suggestion, and then managed about 10 minutes of polite conversation, with her chair pushed as far away from the table as she could manage, before saying "I'm going to leave you in peace to eat your breakfast.  I'll go and sit in the living room."  Really odd.  I wonder if we broke some kind of social work protocol by inviting her to come sit with us?  I thought that seeing us with our family over a meal would have been quite informative.  Even, dare I say it, pleasant.  In fact, given that hospitality is such a key part of our lives, to go through the whole process without being with us over a meal, almost feels to me like she hasn't really met us.  So we finished breakfast while she sat all by herself in the lounge.  Completely flummoxed me.  I actually felt quite hurt that she didn't want to sit with us.  I'm sure she was keen to do the most appropriate thing, but it still felt odd.

Andy's job situation has changed (he will be out of work by the end of this month), so he wanted to tell Chris (the social worker).  He went and spoke to her, (private audience in the lounge) and said she would speak to him (and possibly me) after she'd chatted with my parents, so could we hang around.  She'd only need half an hour with my folks.

Large spanner in the works.  I have Church Without Walls person to take to Gay Pride event before 12 to meet Andy the Co-Ordinator to get our stall set up.  And be in the house to talk to social worker.  Who has never needed less than 2 hours on any previous occasion, but might or might not be finished with my parents in 30 minutes.  In the end, I decided the best thing to do was to go and run my errand anyway.  I took my mobile phone and left Andy with the information that I would be back very soon, and only 20 minutes away.  If Chris needed me to be there, I'd come straight home.

Turned out to be a good decision.  The event was in a large local park and it was not at all easy to work out who was in charge and where to go for information.  The fact that I recognised Andy the Co-Ordinator, made the whole thing very easy.  Introduced Church Without Walls person to Andy the Co-Ordinator, found out where our table would be and then left them to it with the words "I need to get home to talk to a social worker."

Chris had gone by the time I got back.  So obviously she didn't really need to talk to both of us.  Her suggestion is that we write them a financial assessment that names Andy as the main carer and me as the wage earner.  Now we just need to work out the figures....