Fire Safety - a cautionary tale.

There has been a smoke alarm beeping in our house for weeks now. It's been a fairly gentle, ignorable beep, but a beep all the same. More conscientious house owners would have sorted it out ages ago. But the offending smoke alarm (one which is in my office and has been in the house since before we moved in) was not our only defence against dying in our sleep due to smoke inhalation. We had 2 further smoke alarms fitted by the fire brigade more recently. These are state of the art and made to last 10 years. So our ignoring the noise was not quite as irresponsible from a health and safety perspective as it might at first appear.

Andy and I were away last week and returned to discover the offending alarm had stopped beeping gently and was now beeping in an ear-splitting, DO NOT GO TO BED UNTIL YOU HAVE FIXED ME kind of way. Tired from driving, I'm afraid I didn't fetch a ladder and replace the battery. I hit it with a stick. Having dislodged the battery, however, I was appalled to discover that it was still beeping. How could this be? Assistance was summoned from husband, who concluded it must have some kind of secondary power source and unscrewed it from the wall. The wallpaper underneath is from at least 3 decoratings ago. Hardier than we thought. Battery replaced. Beeping continues. Second battery found.

I stand in office and realise beeping is still emanating from inside office. I have a moment of wondering if our house is haunted / possessed by the spirit of the smoke alarm. It really sounds like the noise is coming from the patch of ancient wallpaper. But no. Perhaps it is from the landing. I stand beneath the smoke alarm on the landing ceiling. This is a new one, very recently installed by the fire service. It is definitely beeping. Very loudly. It needs silencing. Funny 10 years, I think.

Husband summoned. Husband agrees this is the offending noise source. Husband disables the alarm, removing a large patch of paint at the same time. He reports it will no longer function unless fixed by soldering.

Noise gone? Surely? No. Noise not gone. We stand beneath the one remaining smoke alarm and listen very, very carefully. Having been fooled twice. The beep is not coming from there. After much careful listening we realise the noise is coming from my office. Eventually we track down an old, abandoned smoke alarm in a box of bits and pieces.

Andy says he will mend and refit the 2 perfectly functional smoke alarms we have wantonly destroyed. Oh well. At least the beeping has stopped and we can sleep tonight...